Forget Kenya. Never mind the secret madrassas. The sinister, shocking truth about Barack Obama’s past lies not in east Africa, but in outer space. As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of Darpa. That’s the assertion, at least, of a pair of self- proclaimed time- traveling, universe-exploring government agents. Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings insist that they once served as “chrononauts” at Darpa’s behest, traversing the boundaries of time and space. They swear: A youthful Barack Obama was one of them. Perhaps this all sounds fantastical, absurd, and more than a little nuts. We couldn’t agree more. That’s one of the reasons we love conspiracy theories — the more awesomely insane, the better. It is not known what exactly Obama did on Mars. (Socializing Martian health care, perhaps? Building a birth-certificate printing press?) His mission was a perilous one, according to Basiago and Stillings. The CIA wished to “establish a defense regime protecting the Earth from threats from space” as well as a legal claim to “territorial sovereignty,” making Obama something of a Martian conquistador.You can scoff at the idea of Obama on Mars. But it explains a lot. Obviously the birth- certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space. And who else but a man accustomed to keeping the country’s most explosive secret would be comfortable waging so many undeclared wars ? Ignore Basiago and Stillings at your own peril. If Obama’s reelected, the U.S. is finally colonizing Mars.
©wired.com
