I have been thinking for over an hour now; turning things over and over in my mind (or at least what is left of it after that illegal stuff the like of Collins and kinyanjui convinced me was good for me back in high school ) looking for a solution to a stinking problem that I have in the incarnation of neighbour.am just baffled by the accuracy of the statement that “the reachability of an itchy spot is inversely  proportional to the intensity of the itch.”

the guy who came up with that phrase must have been a (chemistry) book worm. Considering the language. Anyway as I was saying, am racking my meager brains looking for the best way to kill this cursed
neighbour of mine.
Maybe we are not reading (don’t forget am the one writing here) from
the same page. Mungai, my good for nothing, wretched, conspicuous,
infuriating, bald crotched, _and all other demeaning words _next door
occupant, must be the most annoying of our species. this is not  because his roof doesn’t leak like mine, no!

Yes,of course It annoys to feel as if the blessed angels Are peeing at you every time it rains because your roof is leaking.what annoys more is that the land lord has refused kata kata to part with a single coin to repair ’em.
Last week we (I and four other plot occupants) confronted him say it was Haki Yetu to live under good roofs if he wanted rent. The son of a toothless viper just put on one of those badass facial expressions and told us to go on and vacate. Ati he only charges us for the floor and the walls .

“Ile pubafu inasikia haitafumiria inaesa hamia Sinai. Watu warikufa wakaacha mîanya”.

We just walked back into our punctured roofed shacks with our
tails between our legs.  Which brings me to my first reason of wanting to massacre(for lack of a bigger word _I was told the word
genociding might land me in ICC! ) Mungai.
1 . Mungai is a fagot. There’s no doubt to that! This guy is a chichi
man. How else do you explain how the landlord bought him new iron
sheets?? Pliz note I didn’t say repair, he was bought crisp new ones. And he hadn’ t even fuckin accompanied us in our miniprotest. The only explanation is that he dishes out his black asshole to be arsenalid upon by the landlord no woman would risk allowing under her roof.
2.Mungai and weed. Maybe I should remind you that the spaces between the timbers of our wall can easily allow smoke through -specifically weed smoke. This guy does stuff grown the dryness of
Nyandarua – which makes weed concentrated to fatal levels. So when
he slowly puffs away in his maskan, I always feel like one watching those rotating chicken at kenchic ; so near yet so far. Sometimes this guy blazes the shashamani shrub from Ethiopia. Uuuui! That stuff is sometimes scented and this son of shriveled testicles doesn’t share, and I swear to my soil turning ancestors that will kill him to get it.
3. Mungai and his wenches _
I am not exactly what you can call Brad Pitt’s competition, but am damn sure am not as ugly as this fella Mungai. He looks like  something even the cat would drag out. Ever wondered what God did with the extra clay? Come to our plot and you get a free glance at what  Kenyapithecus used to look like.
How on earth he gets so much cunt. Every night I get to sleep not due to the creaking of his stupid spring bed. I always try to convince myself that the sucker is wanking but the satisfied look of the women and his freaked smile in the morning prove me


So as long as this guy is beating me to everything, I will be planning his murder, in my head. Now, what is that brilliant killing idea knocking at my brain before you  interrupted? Maybe buying him a
drink …Yokozuna!


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