I AM SORRY BUT WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS

A Facebook friend of mine recently updated a stolen phrase ” i am making changes in my life… if you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.” funny statement that one was… no, not when i saw it last week… ah ah!! the first time i saw it, not last year ,not the year before… about three years ago. so this year i saw it again and it sent me thinking… i sure have made changes in my life … i have had many friends that didn’t deserve my friendship. i cut off my contacts with them like the bugger with the stolen update…this is for those future might-be friends.

if one of of the following statements do describe you, I AM NOT SORRY ,BUT WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS.

– if you wear a yellow shirt, green skinny jeans, a purple tight sweater and blue supras … read the title.

– if you wear the colours stated above (and your ancestors were not long distance traders from Mayakus,Kathiani,Matungulu or Kitui) i cannot look at you… if you add red geeky glasses, i will get a restriction order against you.

-if you walk as if one of your legs needs a date with Cecilia mwangi… oh and if you finish each and every sentence of yours with ‘swaaaaaagg’… f*ck! go jump into a volcano if you think you are that cool.

-If you text me like ‘xEma XWrY … AKi u Av TupAad mwOA LyK XjuI Wot..’ JEEEEZ!!!! i am not a cryptographer ‘XWrY’ SO DO NOT TEXT ME IN CODES… and if you had the time to put all those caps …you sure have the time to write good English.

-if your facebook user name is some thing resembling this ; Mwassswaggerifficdude ulemwenyedickbwaku…. or… pweetychiquittaiam youwillloveme …i can tell you how to bee cooler;

*GO TO THE TOP LEFT CORNER OF YOUR FACEBOOK HOMEPAGE
*CLICK THE ARROW POINTING DOWN
*CLICK ON ACCOUNT SETTINGS
*CLICK SECURITY
*CLICK DEACTIVATE ACCOUNT.
*THEN CONFIRM REQUEST

there… now the rest of humanity can have peace,

-if your status updates are about sex, rave and liquor , 1. read the title of this post. 2.Follow the steps above…

– if you get feelings from my tweets, NO !!we cannot relate… twitter is for smart people and obviously, you don’t fall under that category.Do us a favor and move back to my-space

-if you follow/like those wisdom/humor pages and copy paste their opinions… they are wise or funny, you are neither..

-if you are a lady sorry, woman and you shave your eyebrows… i don’t want to always ask why you look shocked so please… read the title.

– I thought tights were bad … there are those dreary things that women are wearing that awlfull resemle human skin with pockets, if you wear those Pleeeeeeeeease!!!

-and if you wear condom shoes …

– I also don’t know why, but everytime I see a Weave, I see disturbing pictures of a shaven horse …in my mind …no I can’t be friends with a horse barber.

just that for now

thank you.