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A Miserable Virgin

Here was Davis. Not the one in the picture.   Davis has large eyes and a small mouth. He’s not dark, he’s DARK. Davis sat at the 3rd front row; his tiny hands leaning against the desktop-the top of the desk. Davis was using his wide angle eyes to look at more than the lecturer. Davis was looking at a bit more than 3 things: the lecturer, Nancy and his thoughts.

Right in front of his shiny nose was Nancy. Nancy was a jewel. Nancy was a gem. She was a black diamond. She was also very smart. Nothing scared men more than her mind. Men fear smart women. Men dread smart women who are shapely and alluring. Nancy was a weapon. I think she knew that. She always sat in the 2nd row, all men behind her were usually dead. Nancy was the devil. She liked sitting in class nibbling the top of her pen like a squirrel. That’s the devil.

Davis had a boner that wanted to tear his trousers and scream “I’m free!!” He clapped his knees urgently convincing his phallus to get withery but watching Nancy take the pen in her mouth just killed him!  The pink lower lip caressing that blue pen made him red. He cursed his hormones. He cursed his wide angle eyes. He cursed Nancy!

Yesterday was Sunday. On Sunday evening, Davis left his room and walked to Block A; the ladies’ hostel. With the tiny dose of determination he had amassed all day, he took the pavement from Block C. While walking he ran the tip of his tongue over the outside of his teeth then used his index finger to brush his eyebrows. Once he was at the door, he sighed. A low toned sigh as if afraid he would blow the door open. He always dreamed of this day and  now that he was here, he was not so sure how that dream always ended.

He checked the corridor ; silent and empty like a church on Monday. His heart however was loud and felt hollow and bigger than usual; like a borrowed heart. He raised his hand to knock…
Nancy shifted her position. It almost felt intentional and mechanical how she shifted.  When Davis saw that anthill of a breast he was pretty sure she could read his dirty, muddy mind and he relished that telepathic thought.  His boner was now killing him and his trousers were bulging and in danger. He wished he had a knife but he didn’t  and Sunday evening wasn’t about to leave his thoughts.
…He knocked. Or he thought he did. Then he realized he hadn’t. The wall had been hit from the inside twice. He was confused. It sounded like somebody had knocked the wall hard without any weakness. There! It was knocked again. He got worried.

fearing for his  dear, beautiful, shapely Nancy, he listened closely and  heard a muffled sound from inside. Like a lady being strangled. He thought the worst.

And Davis in all his stupidity; in all his ignorance turned the lock and opened the door. He leaped in the room in his shining armor and sword drawn ready to strike and save his Cinderella…

You see, men are stupid beings by nature, and Davis was one unnaturally stupid man.
That is why today Nancy couldn’t look at him. This is why Davis’s boner wanted to erupt and this is why he will die a miserable virgin.

By Njagi M’Mwenda

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