IF THE NANCY BARASA CASE WASN’T IN KENYA

someone decided to make a movie

Yesterday, twitter was awash with the story of one Nancy Barasa. Apparently, the Deputy Chief Justice (DCJ)  of the sovereign republic of Kenya had threatened a guard at The Village Market. When the guard followed her, she was snubbed and later received quite a tongue lashing. There have been allegations that she even had to go down on her knees to beg for her life when the DCJ emerged with a gun…damn. I am angry…

No!! I am not angry because some bigwig threatened a guard; that happens all the time. Lucy slapped a member of the frigging parliament and you did nothing so I don’t see how being mad over some egotistical woman’s anger spurt will help anyone. I’m just angry that Kenyans don’t know how to take advantage of a situation. If the same happened somewhere else, say, the US, the results would have been completely different.

To start with, some ex-boyfriend or ex-almost-become-husband would surface with some nude photos of the deputy taken back in 1980 something. That would earn the guy some bucks; maybe even a cover on some alley magazine and an interview in one of the vernacular radio stations. Two months later he would publish a tell-all book on how Nancy is terrible in bed.

As a result, an enraged Nancy would deny all the accusations claim that the photos were photoshopped. To prove that, she would produce her own nude photos taken on the same day, miles from where the poor dude claimed to be on the kindo 1980 date. On the pictures, there would be a burly Arab with a long scar on his face… maybe chilling in Malindi alongside the youthful (I decline to use the word beautiful) Nancy.

The next day all our local dailies would dedicate their front pages to the guy in the photos. Headlines would go like; NANCY BARAZA RETALIATES: PRODUCES PHOTOS OF A NUDE BOYFRIEND! DEPUTY CJ: CHILLING NUDE ON AN ARABIC OASIS… And of course not forgetting… THE STAR would have an imaginary one on one interview with the ‘Scarface’.’

Next, lucky Nancy would get a spot on The Oprah Winfrey Show, and somehow the conversation would lead to how good Nancy is at baking cupcakes. A recording of her in the kitchen and a webcam interview will follow and while still in studio, a poor St. Verde woman would win a house somehow.

The following week, she would feature on Tyra’s late night X-rated show discussing her nude photos, her bra size, which bikinis she preferred, Brazilian waxing and her earlier (non-existent) attempts into modeling. The next day she’d be on Dr Phil, then some upcoming talk show urging women to stand up against segregation from fellow women, after which she would launch her presidential bid…

I could go on and on but that would be more boring.

Conclusion: Kenyans need to wake up… aaaaand is there a relationship between the guard’s name being Kerubo and a school from Kisii tailing in KCPE?